Lawyers should never ask a southern grandma a question if
they aren't prepared for the answer.



In a trial, a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand
motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"



She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on
your wife, and you manipulate

people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when
you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a
two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."



The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"



She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem.  He can't build a normal relationship with anyone
and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he
cheated on his wife with three different women.  One of them was your
wife. Yes, I know him."



The defense attorney almost died.



The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll
send you to the electric chair."